Madonna subject of international predator study

Not to be outdone by any local rube calling attention to himself, Madonna arrived on London’s stage just in time to grab a faceful and plant a kiss on Birhan Woldu’s lips and then proceed to haul her around stage like her personal prop. It has since been discovered that psychoanalysts from around the globe, in a rare gesture of cooperativeness among academics, shared the cost of dispatching a professional hunter’s guide to check for her urine scent around the perimeter of the concert site.

Motley Crue were permitted to perform in Barrie, apparently as a panacea for the heavy metal relics of the 80’s, but the nuanced quality of their performance was somewhat unfortunately lost on the world viewers as most were craning their necks to make out what the tattoos on the inside of their nostrils said.