Horrorscopes!

Gemini:
If you’re hearing voices on Thursday pass on my regards. That’s Lulu.
Sagitarrius:
Yoo hoo. With Scorpio passing wind over the third eclipse of Pisces, your version of romance is in the air this week.
Aquarius:
Your dreaming of your house in Virgo - fat chance.
Leo:
Eat your heart out, Lulu’s finished with Gemini by Thursday p.m. and she’s got your number.
Viva Quebec, Libra!
A French hottie coming your way.
Cancer:
name change hasn’t been approved yet. Patience is a virgo.
And Pisces:
do not join a religious cult on the ides of April and expect to be reminded of your own mortality when Cupid’s arrow goes awry on the eve of the festival of your circumcision. That messy Cupid will have rendered that occasion redundant anyway. And that’s all she wrote in the heavens. Ooo woo.

This is Ms Urble, all eyes aglaze signing off until next week. Send money!